they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
