it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
