so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
