i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
