Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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