I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize