As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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