I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
