She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize