i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
