He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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