my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
