I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
