Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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