96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
