I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
