jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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