I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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