You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
