Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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