woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
