I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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