the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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