Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
