I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
