I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
