I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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