Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
