don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
