dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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