it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
