Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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