if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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