It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize