I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize