I could make wine with my vomit
I wish i was in the wii world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize