Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
