toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just pee around me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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