No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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