I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
