My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
