His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
