I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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