Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
