Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Even my vagina gasped.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
