You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
