he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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