One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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