How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
