Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
