I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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