Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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