at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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