After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
