You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
whose parrot is this?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize