Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
