I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
