i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
