i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
