where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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