I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
