I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I touched a dick in church today
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
